Thoughts and Ramblings...

So the kids are finally in bed.  I am taking a few minutes to myself to blog.  I always wanted to try blogging but never thought I would have time.  I am a stay at home mom.  It is the hardest job I have ever had.  Its also the loneliest.  I used to work in social work for a non-profit organization called LifeLine Youth and Family Services.  I worked with families in crisis.  That was a challenging job but I loved it.  And of course I was always working with people.  

Well I am training for another 5k and my goal is to run most of it... Well I haven't run since Wednesday last week.  I had been having migraines and the kids have been sick on my running days.  I feel so bad... I have also been eating horribly, well till yesterday.  I got back on track.  I really need to start running again tomorrow.  I hope that I will be able to do it.  I get so down on myself sometimes and then feel like quitting.  But like my Aunt Carolyn is teaching me through her example, to just keep going. 

Growing up I played at being a christian.  Then in college I was on fire for Christ.  Now I feel like I am back to just playing the game.  I sometimes think that I might have never been a christian in the first place.  We go to church but we aren't involved.  I always have felt closer to God when I am worshiping and serving... now I feel like I do neither.  I try to pray and sometimes read the Bible but I still don't feel God.  I don't know if he has left me or if I have left him.  I wish I new the way back but I don't.  I have tried, but failed repeatedly.  I keep thinking about the thing this woman at MOPS said last year... that she feel in love with Jesus.  I want that... to be in love with him again.  I used to be.  But not anymore.  I want to be.  I am tired of playing christian... 

Well that is all the time I have for today.  Thanks for listening/reading.  Feel free to comment.