So the kids are finally in bed. I am taking a few minutes to myself to blog. I always wanted to try blogging but never thought I would have time. I am a stay at home mom. It is the hardest job I have ever had. Its also the loneliest. I used to work in social work for a non-profit organization called LifeLine Youth and Family Services. I worked with families in crisis. That was a challenging job but I loved it. And of course I was always working with people.
Well I am training for another 5k and my goal is to run most of it... Well I haven't run since Wednesday last week. I had been having migraines and the kids have been sick on my running days. I feel so bad... I have also been eating horribly, well till yesterday. I got back on track. I really need to start running again tomorrow. I hope that I will be able to do it. I get so down on myself sometimes and then feel like quitting. But like my Aunt Carolyn is teaching me through her example, to just keep going.
Growing up I played at being a christian. Then in college I was on fire for Christ. Now I feel like I am back to just playing the game. I sometimes think that I might have never been a christian in the first place. We go to church but we aren't involved. I always have felt closer to God when I am worshiping and serving... now I feel like I do neither. I try to pray and sometimes read the Bible but I still don't feel God. I don't know if he has left me or if I have left him. I wish I new the way back but I don't. I have tried, but failed repeatedly. I keep thinking about the thing this woman at MOPS said last year... that she feel in love with Jesus. I want that... to be in love with him again. I used to be. But not anymore. I want to be. I am tired of playing christian...
Well that is all the time I have for today. Thanks for listening/reading. Feel free to comment.